Thick and Thin
by Therius
Summary: Zael and Dagran had been through thick and thin together. It was only a matter of time before Zael had to let it all out. Post Game, Oneshot.


_A/N: I have ventured into the depths of The Last Story archive and I think I've read about fifty stories on there. I am tired, and a lot of the stories have made me sad. So, being the absolute genius that I am, I have decided to write a sad fanfiction. Beware of spoilers if you have not finished the game!_

_I hope your heart is ready, because mine is not. Enjoy!_

* * *

There was a saying that people said to describe all the hardships that friends went to together. Sometimes friends went through tough times and had to go to each other for comfort. They would care for one another until they felt better. It was nice knowing that there was always someone at your side, ready to comfort you if needed. Other times were good, and there was no need to comfort one another. Instead of comforting one another, friends simply gave each other a cheery feeling and wonderful memories. Yes, what was the saying?

_'They had been together through thick and thin'_. Was that the saying? By this point he was almost positive that it was, and if he was wrong he did not really care.

Zael and Dagran had been through thick and thin plenty of times together. After all, how else would he consider Dagran to be his best friend if they hadn't gone through the good and the bad together? Although they had some good times together, they had been through plenty of 'thick' times as well. Not always together, but most of the time they were, and sometimes with the others in their group as well. He had plenty of 'thick and thin' times with everybody in the group. Each member shared a special bond with each other, whether it be a close bond of friendship like himself and Dagran, or a romantic one such as himself and Calista. Zael treasured each bond with every person. Close friends like the ones he had were hard to come by. He was glad he even had the chance to meet all of his friends, and was even gladder by the fact that they had all grown close to one another in some way or another.

Which, he pondered now, was why he hadn't notice Dagran was slipping. Not at first, when everything started to seem to be growing better, but he realized eventually. Too late, it seemed, he had realized that Dagran was no longer slipping. Dagran had slipped long ago and was falling.

As he walked, he silently cursed himself. For not realizing soon enough, for realizing far too late that Dagran no longer had a hold on his thoughts. How had he not realized that Dagran chose to take the path to revenge rather than the path Zael had taken? Zael had chosen to move on with his life. He had realized his dream of becoming a knight and had gone to the far ends of the Earth trying to achieve his dream with Dagran at his side. He tried not to think about this past too often, as it was painful to think about. He kept optimistic, even in the bleakest of situations from time to time. But Dagran? He had always been on the path to revenge. He had chosen it before him and Zael even met, and he had followed it right until the end.

At first it appeared that everything Zael and Dagran had strived for was going to become true. They were well thought of by Count Arganan, the only one who could declare them knights, and their friends were soon to follow in their footsteps. He had become a knight in training! It had seemed nothing could ruin that. Zael even had the possibility of getting the Count's blessing of marrying Calista. But then, everything had gone out of control. Things went downhill.

General Asthar died. It was quickly revealed that Jirall had been the one to murder him and was sent to prison. It was evident that things were not going to easily become happy once more. Sir Therius had suspected that Jirall was not the murderer, and even Zael had his doubts. The fact that Dagran had managed to guess it was Jirall's fault was not astounding. He was a smart man. The fact that Jirall had murdered Asthar was what confused Zael the most. At first he believed it, but when Therius spoke to him about how Jirall could not easily kill the general, he had started to gain doubts. His doubts, it had seemed, spoke the truth.

Zael's footsteps had led him out of Lazulis City and to the grave of the very person that he had been thinking about. With a gazed filled with sadness, pain, and sorrow, he moved his eyes from gazing at the tips of his boots to the grave in front of him. Ever so slowly, he too, slipped.

It was one thing when Zoran had betrayed them. Zael had only trusted the man slightly, nothing compared to how much he loved and cared for Dagran, who he could have sworn was his brother. Dagran was more hurt then Zael when they had been betrayed by the ex-mercenary, but they had moved on and formed a better group. A group of the friends he still had today. But when Dagran had betrayed them, it was as if no bandages in the world could heal the wound in his heart.

To Zael, it still felt this way. When he had heard Dagran confess his betrayal, the words had gone right to his heart and shattered it beyond repair. He had thought that he had known pain, thought he knew what it felt like to lose another! Losing his mother had been one of the greatest pains of all. Losing Dagran was an even greater one.

The fact that Dagran had betrayed them did not keep him from thinking of him badly. Although he had said he had deceived them all and had been using them the whole time, he had felt it was a lie that was forced right out of his mouth. It wasn't true, dammit! He knew that it wasn't! Dagran had cared for them until the bitter end and there was nothing that could change his mind about it. Dagran may have betrayed them, but Zael knew that he cared about them, right down to the core of his being.

By this point he could feel the tears that filled his eyes, threatening to spill out of their captor and to fall down onto his cheeks. His hands, which were now clenched into tight fist, were shaking along with the tears that wavered. It was hard to hold it in. He had been holding it in for so long. He had held it in when Dagran died, and he had even held it in when they made the grave. Zael had already cried about it before, but the feeling of grief welling up inside him was greater than it had been the past few times. No one was around to see him. This time he could let all of it out.

Had simply being with the group not been enough for Dagran? Had the care and kindness that they had shown him meant not a single thing? A thousand questions plagued Zael's mind, questions that he could only ask Dagran himself. He didn't understand a single thing! Why had Dagran chosen revenge over his friends? Was it simply because that revenge was all he thought about ever since his family had been murdered in front of his own eyes, or was there more too it? Zael knew Dagran cared about them, or at least he thought he did. But would he ever truly know? No. Dagran was dead, and he could not ask him a single question. All he could do was sit and ponder himself and never know the answers. It had already occurred to Zael that life was not fair. This, however, felt like the most unfair thing of all.

His hands covered his face in an attempt to stop them from shaking, but already he could feel the shaking growing worse as tears wet his hands and slipped through his fingers. Knees pressed against the cold dirt in front of the grave, he took in a shaky breath. What was meant to try and calm himself by breathing deeply and slowly only came out as a wail full of the sorrow and grief he felt. Each breath he took was full of pain and sadness, and he just wanted the feeling to go away. Zael wanted to fade into nothingness.

What would he accomplish, sitting in front of the grave of the person that had led him through his entire life, the person that had kept him on his feet whenever he was going to fall? Nothing was the answer, and somewhere inside him Zael knew that. A part of him told him that the time for grieving had passed. The event was over and done with, but inside, Zael didn't want it to end. He would never stop grieving, not over something this large. As Calista had told him, the pain would eventually fade away. Eventually he would stop feeling so sorrowful and it would stay in a box in his mind, shoved away in the corner. But it never would be forgotten, and it would never stop hurting. It would only hurt less.

But, he found himself asking himself, was that ok? Was it fine to let the death of your best friend stop getting to you like the way he felt now? Zael had plenty of sorrowful times in his life, and only one had been as great as the one he were going through now. He had a wife and a steady way of life. Things, it seemed, could only go uphill from here. Instead of feeling the steadiness of time trying to heal his wounds, he could only feel more sadness grow upon him. Zael felt himself spiraling down a hill that was supposed to lead him up, not down.

"Why did you leave me, brother…?" He spoke so softly that he wasn't even sure that he had actually said the words. His hands now clutched at the front of his trousers, bright blue eyes focused on the gravestone in front of him. He didn't bother to wipe away any of the tears on his cheeks. He knew that more would just replace their spots.

Zael had to follow Dagran's last order. He had to live for him, he had to go and live life the way he was supposed to! They had worked so hard, he couldn't just let it all go to waste! They had gone through so many trails, so who was he to just lie down in the dirt and let it go away? Soon Zael would have to stand up and brush himself off. He would have to tell himself everything was going to be fine and let the sorrow and pain slowly fade by time.

But right now was the time for grieving. Zael couldn't even think to latch onto his last thoughts of optimism. So he sat there in front of the grave of his best friend, the grave of the person he had called 'brother' so many times just because it felt right, and he let all his sorrow out. He let himself grieve and cry, because he knew that he would've had to let it out eventually. With his head bowed to the ground and eyes squeezed shut, he felt himself fall into the darkness of sadness and pain.

It was like the wind wrapped around him into a warm embrace in the chilly air, and he could somehow feel it through his grief. Looking back on this moment, he will have sworn that he saw just the faintest haze of red light through his eyelids. The wind did not feel like wind. It felt as if he were being held close in a tight hug, comforted by somebody he loved because he was going through a thick time. And Zael knew that Dagran was watching over him. Somewhere between all the tears and pain, he could have sworn that he heard a voice.

"_**Looking back on it, we had some good times…"**_


End file.
